P.J. STAFFORD
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| P.J. "Pete" Stafford photo uploaded by his biological daughter Tammy Stafford-Bellflower ****************************** My father, P.J. STAFFORD 1932-2012 was the 1st husband (marriage record) (Divorce announcement in the newspaper) of my mom, Doris Ann ( TIDWELL) * See TIDWELL Page * Doris and P.J. had two children together: (Me) Tammy Jean (STAFFORD)- Bellflower and Timmy Lee STAFFORD 1966-2004 ( Obituary) ( Headstone) ( In Loving Memory ) ( Find A Grave ) My Father's Confession ______________________________________________ |
I am Tammy Jean (Stafford) Bellflower, and I am the biological daughter of P.J. "Pete" Stafford (1932-2012). Even though the original printed obituary did not include my name (or my half-sister, Frieta), I want to clarify that my half-sister, Frieta Joyce Carpenter (formerly Stafford), and I were never disowned by our father. We were always loved by him and our stepmother.
My brother, Timmy (1966-2004), who was raised alongside me by Pete's parents, would have wanted both Frieta and me to be included in our father's and stepmother's obituary. Without a doubt, my father and stepmom would have wanted us included. I began adding my family tree and tagging my name (perhaps a bit excessively, haha) on various genealogy sites and family photos because it seemed like there were attempts to erase Frieta and me from the Stafford family line.
A Tidbit
Despite our father's struggles with alcoholism and drug use, which led to the abandonment of three children (Timmy, myself, and Frieta), I don't perceive it as disownment or lack of love. During periods of sobriety, he embodied maturity and compassion, consistently conveying his affection for his family. Yet, the shadow of his earlier struggles with addiction would sometimes raise skepticism, as he appeared notably selfish and ill-tempered. The transformation in his late 50s, marked by sobriety, was a stark contrast and warmly embraced by those around him. :)
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If it wasn't one obstacle, it was another that hindered the development of a positive and constructive parent-child relationship.
I was distanced from my father and stepmom for the last several years of my father's life, and this separation wasn't their choice. The struggle I faced was not wanting to opt for this distance myself. The challenge lay in the feeling that I wouldn't be permitted to have a peaceful and productive presence in their lives. My approach was to avoid conflict and take the higher path. Later, after their passing: This led me to let years pass without addressing what seemed like an attempt to exclude me and Pete's other daughter, Frieta, from the family's lineage and history. This situation is also reflected in Pete and Brenda's original printed obituaries. It was a painful decision to be absent from their lives before their passing. Importantly, neither Frieta nor I directly asked the person responsible for the obituaries, nor did we approach anyone else to have our names omitted.
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My stance on obituaries/family tree records
It is imperative for those responsible for composing obituaries to acknowledge the long-lasting impact of these records, which future generations will rely upon to trace their ancestral roots. Deliberately omitting key family members from an obituary, whether by the author or at the behest of others, is not only morally questionable but also detrimental to the preservation of accurate public records.
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A note/bio of my sweet stepmom/1st cousin 1x removed, Brenda Joyce Stafford B:1946-D:2019:
Brenda Joyce Stafford was born on August 28, 1946, in Jackson, Tennessee to Averette Edwin Stafford (1915–1982) and Hazel Lee (Smallwood) Stafford (1915–2001) of Gainesboro, Jackson County, Tennessee. Her father, Averette, and mother, Hazel, were both 31 years old at the time of her birth. On September 27, 1968, Brenda married her first cousin, P.J. “Pete” Stafford, who was born in 1932 and passed away in 2012. During their marriage, they had one child together. Sadly, Brenda passed away on April 7, 2019, at the age of 72, in Old Hickory, Tennessee. Brenda came from a family of five siblings: Mabel Irene (Stafford) Stafford (1938–2010), Alberta Faye (Stafford) Reeves (1954-2017), Eddie Lewis Stafford (1940–2007), and William Ralph Stafford (1944–2014). Regarding Faye's connection to P. J's son, Timmy Lee Stafford: Within our family, it is common knowledge that Faye and Timmy were once romantically involved for about two years. The pair even cohabitated for some time. The relationship started when Timmy was 16 and Faye was 28 years old. This development occurred when Timmy moved into the house where Faye and her husband, Donald Ray Reeves, lived, as he required a temporary place to stay.
Brenda's father, Averette, was the full brother of Pete's father, Van Dow Stafford (1907-1992).
Brenda was laid to rest at the Pharris Cemetery in Gainesboro, Jackson County, Tennessee.
It is worth mentioning that Brenda had three stepchildren: Frieta (Stafford), from Pete's first marriage to Edith Evelyn (Dillard); Tammy Stafford-Bellflower, from Pete's second marriage to Doris Ann (Tidwell); and Timmy Lee Stafford (1966-2004), also from Pete's second marriage to Doris Ann (Tidwell). Unfortunately, two of Brenda's stepchildren(Tammy and Frieta) were omitted from her obituary notice. However, it is important to note that Brenda was a kind and loving person who always showed generosity and kindness toward her family, and would never have intentionally excluded her stepdaughters. Despite any challenges, she always encouraged her husband to be involved in his children's lives and was always supportive. She even sent gifts and cards on special occasions, even when she was unable to visit in person.
P. J.'s parents: Van Dow Stafford 1907-1992 Ethel (Biggs) Stafford 1909-1983
P. J.'s maternal grandparents: Woody C. Biggs 1884-1974 & Cora Liza (Rush) 1891–1964
P. J.'s paternal grandparents: William Riley Stafford 1881-1955 & Celina Avo (Stafford) 1885–1982
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| Brenda Joyce (Stafford) Stafford 1946-2019 photo uploaded by Brenda's stepdaughter/1st cousin 1x removed Tammy Stafford-Bellflower |
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| left to right siblings: Rhoda Mae (Stafford) Williams 1928-2013 Jean (Stafford) Ashley 1931-2005 P.J. "Pete" Stafford 1932-2012 Lucille (Stafford) Stanley 1944-2013 Place of photo: at my Aunt Jeans' home in Opelika, Alabama. Aunt Rhoda was living in Plesant View, Tennessee My father Pete was living in Old Hickory, Tennessee Aunt Lucille was living in Joelton, Tennessee photo uploaded by Tammy Stafford-Bellflower; also of Opelika, Alabama. |
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| P.J. "Pete" Stafford 1932-2012 (sitting) His children from 2nd marriage to Doris Ann (Tidwell) Tammy Stafford-Bellflower & Timmy Lee Stafford 1966-2004 Place of photo: Opelika, Alabama at my Aunt Jean's home. Timmy and I, with our own families, lived in the same city as our Aunt Jean, and not far from her home where her twin daughters also had their own family and were living in their own home on Aunt Jean's property. photo uploaded by Tammy Stafford-Bellflower |
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