TIDWELL
Geographical locations/family history: Tennessee / Indiana
(Click On Highlighted Names To See That Person's Page/Bio)
Tammy Jean (Stafford) Bellflower 1964 - living
Born in Nashville, Davidson County, Tennessee
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My Maternal Grandparents
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A message of how Timmy and I came to be raised by our paternal grandparents, along with our father's revelation.
This is my clearest recollection of a private conversation my father had with me later in his life. He disclosed that he had shared the same information with Timmy a couple of years before Timmy's passing. I distinctly remember my brother discussing their talk. My father wondered why I never confronted him with what I had learned and wanted to be sure I understood what had happened, and his regrets.
Evidently, my father had carried the burden of a guilty conscience for years. He, along with the assistance of his mother, had orchestrated a manipulative and coercive plan to remove our biological mother from our lives. This scheme began when I was around 2 1/2 years old and Timmy was just an infant. Despite acknowledging our mother's positive parenting and support as a spouse, my father's priorities shifted when he wanted to be with my future stepmom, who was also his paternal first cousin. He pursued a new life with her and aimed to avoid potential child support obligations to our biological mother (also neglected to pay any child support to his first wife).
To escape his responsibilities, he enlisted his mother's help to gradually exclude our mother from our lives. He knew his mother wouldn't pressure him for child support and that she desired to have us to herself. They devised a plan for our mother to temporarily stay with her parents, ostensibly to assist her father, who was dealing with a health issue at the time. During her absence, my father and his mother accused her of abandonment and denied her access to us when she returned.
Over time, our mother expressed her desire to regain custody, leading my father to threaten her with various forms of retaliation, including setting fire to her parent's house while they slept. Concerned for her and her parents' safety, our mother abandoned her pursuit indefinitely.
According to my father, he had subjected our mother to mental and physical mistreatment during their relationship. Some of his admissions aligned with what Timmy and I had previously heard from other members of the Stafford family, including our paternal grandfather, over the years. My father confessed that despite his "love" for us and his mother, his self-centeredness drove him to manipulate his mother's feelings/actions. This behavior upset my paternal grandfather, who witnessed the harm it caused our mother (and the Tidwell family) and the Stafford family.
My father also clarified that my future stepmom was unaware of his tactics to remove our biological mother. He had falsely informed her that he and our mother had mutually agreed to divorce amicably, with Timmy and me living with our grandparents. He married my stepmom soon (the next day) after the divorce was publicly announced in the newspaper.
Throughout our upbringing, I recall periods of sobriety (his) when our father engaged positively with us. However, he struggled with alcoholism and drug (pills) use while maintaining a functional facade. He eventually achieved sobriety in his late 50s. He made efforts to be more present in our lives and those of his grandchildren but encountered new challenges from an external source, unrelated to any fault of his, our sweet stepmom or ours.
Despite the tumultuous past, there was a bright side. Timmy and I were fortunate to be raised by our patient and kind grandfather, Van Dow Stafford, who provided the stability we needed. He never indulged in alcohol or drugs and never resorted to violence against us. He filled the role of the father figure we required.
My grandfather always spoke fondly of our mother to Timmy and me. He reassured us that she loved us, despite contrary claims from our father and grandmother. He even retrieved discarded letters from my mother (that my grandmother would toss in the trash) and gave them to Timmy and me to read in secret. These letters were filled with love and never contained any negative remarks about my father, grandmother, or anyone else in the family. The letters consistently expressed her deep affection for us children.
Although I miss my grandfather, I do have love and affection for my biological father as well. However, I choose not to romanticize our family history. No one is without flaws.
As of 2/4/2024, my mother is alive, and our relationship is strong as we work to make up for lost time. She now enjoys the peaceful life she truly deserves.
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Stafford-Tidwell Family Tree
Created by Tammy Jean Stafford-Bellflower